A reality check

Discussion of the SES, particularly in the UK.
Tom Grubb
Posts: 380
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2004 10:23 pm
Location: London

Postby Tom Grubb » Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:07 pm

chittani wrote:Tom, I was interested to see your response and had meant to get back to you. If that is the case (and I see no reason not to believe what you say) then they should talk to you. I wonder whether you are really making it as easy for them as you could. Things like the Pincham video and YouTube attacks, which I suppose you to be involved with or at least very supportive of, are not really going to encourage anyone to sit down with you. If what I say was worth anything with these people I would tell them they should meet. And if it was worth anything with you, I would suggest you offer to lay down your metaphorical arms in exchange. That would give the authorities some reason to put pressure on the people concerned.

Oh, do me a favour! If the abusers want to find excuses not to meet and apologise to their victims, they will!

You may be interested to know that I have fully made my peace with every former teacher who has sincerely apologised to me either in writing or face to face. I have treated these brave men with respect and courtesy in our brief correspondence and meetings and they have done the same to me. We have settled our differences and now we all get on with our lives as, I think, happier human beings. Debenham and co. have had the same opportunity to apologise since long before the "Pincham video and YouTube attacks". They have refused to do so. This, I would suggest, has nothing to do with "attacks" (as you choose to call them) from their victims and a lot to do with a lack of moral integrity or even the conviction that they were right to abuse us.

daska
Posts: 270
Joined: Sat Jan 22, 2005 8:29 pm
Location: UK

Postby daska » Tue Jul 29, 2008 6:53 pm

I'm not sure I am 'still here banging the same drum'. I occasionally get an automatic mail because of a response on a post and come in to take a look. I generally respond to posts where I feel I have up-to-date information that supports a point of view.

The part of the picture that is missing from the one Chit paints is that, although a lot of us have now had time to react, assess and deal with the issues that our childhoods have left with us, a lot more of us haven't.

Because the inquiry was not wholehearted there was no effort made by the schools to contact ex-pupils. As a result there is a constant stream of people starting their journey for the first time. And they come looking for information or acknowledgement of their feelings. And some of us are more contactable than others.

And, as concernedmum points out, the winds of change don't appear to have reached all 4 corners of the globe...

Tom Grubb
Posts: 380
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2004 10:23 pm
Location: London

Postby Tom Grubb » Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:54 pm

Very true. We are the tip of a large iceberg. I think the SES probably realise this but if they don't, they will over the next few years as more and more people come forward.

Matthew
Posts: 212
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2004 6:57 pm
Location: London

Postby Matthew » Wed Jul 30, 2008 8:47 am

Indeed. I am still being contacted by former pupils that had never been informed about The Inquiry. From what I've observed there's still a hell of a lot of anger out there over people's experiences at St James/Vedast, especially when they learn that some of these former abusers are still being employed there. Its well documented that they did nowhere near enough to contact all former pupils. Yes, this situation ain't about to go away in a hurry if thats what they were hoping.

Its a bit like the analogy of continually sweeping a problem under the carpet, when all that happens is the pile beneath gets so big that you keep tripping over it.

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Keir
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2005 5:04 am
Location: London

Re: A reality check

Postby Keir » Thu Oct 09, 2008 4:43 pm

It seems to me that for all the guff talked about change, there is something missing from the response to the enquiry, the dealings on here, the meetings that have taken place.

Humility.

I think I would be more convinced that lessons had been learned if it was the leaders of the SES and St James that were publicly admitting that things had gone wrong in the past, that pupils had been punished excessively, the fact that there was interference in families bordering on controlling. The fact that the members who are prepared to engage in discussion and are reporting change is positive but as chittani said, it wasn't him that oversaw the abuses.

Maybe because so many of the organisation's leaders are legally trained they fear admitting anything, scared that the slavering dogs who have hounded them are backed by legal muscle. I don't know why they won't be open about it, but at the heart of every bully is a coward.

I think if there had have been a genuine desire for discussion, then a way would have been found. This BB was our chosen platform, and there were individual meetings, but as far as a genuine desire to communicate...I never really got that sense, not from the people that matter. I think they still think they were right. The way I understand it, learning starts with listening with an open heart, no listening = no learning. No learning = possible repetition of previous behaviour. I totally understand why people are not happy to 'leave it', and why they are not satisfied with 'contented' postings from regular members who had nothing to do with it.

Any change that improves the lot of the members of an organisation is positive, but when the first response is to law before any serious effort is made to address the issues, it doesn't fill me full of confidence that they want anything other than a PR victory. The subsequent lack of action in the wake of the enquiry further convinces me of this. Hence there is good reason for pressure to continue to be put on an organisation that still hasn't addressed the problem adequately. Stop defending the indefensible, accept that things didn't go according to plan, accept that people got hurt, and learn what went wrong by LISTENING. Anyone who can't do that in their own life shouldn't really be teaching children in my opinion.


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